11 Exquisite Reasons to Plan a Micro-Wedding
Image by Danielle Frankel
If there was one undeniably positive thing to come from 2020, surely it was the renaissance of micro-weddings. From at-home weddings reminiscent of Father of the Bride to destination affairs endowed with natural beauty; from museum weddings that feel artistic and cerebral to private villa events that explore the grandeur of architecture and landscape, micro-weddings demonstrate the expressive and emotional potential of weddings. The creative possibilities are quite nearly limitless for the bride whose design process is unconstrained by guest considerations. She can wear something couture and unexpected; she can deliver a poetry recitation or read personalized vows; she and her fiancé can steal away somewhere unimaginably beautiful and remote. Tables can become architectural, a study in lines and curves; flower can take on a sculptural and abstract quality, reading more ‘art installation’ than traditional wedding. The styling of the entire event tends to take on a more couture quality. More importantly, freed from the demands of planning a complex event, couples can spend more time praying for and nurturing their union, cultivating spiritual graces which cannot help but suffuse a wedding day with loveliness. A micro-wedding can feel as intimate as prayer, as hushed and sacred an event as any life offers.
Below, 11 utterly exquisite reasons to plan a small event of your own, replete with your personal style and grace.
1. A More Peaceful Approach
While this reason may seem obvious, it should not be underestimated: what a gift of grace, to be so at peace as you plan your event. It is a luxury to plan an event so manageable, even joyful. Unburdened by the usual wedding stresses, you have the emotional bandwidth to realize the beauty of this season—not later, in retrospect, but in the moment, as it unfolds. What a gift, to be so present. A gift to your future marriage, to your loved ones, and to God, who also delights in your company and misses you when you are distant and preoccupied.
As believers, we recognize that true peace is not dependent upon our circumstances, but rather has a divine source in the person and Presence of Christ—He Himself is our peace (Ephesians 2:14). And He will grant us His gift of peace regardless of what trials we face, as we rejoice, unwavering, in Him (Philippians 4:7). Nevertheless, when we free ourselves from the requirements of planning a complex wedding, we are freed to focus our efforts elsewhere: on service, ministry, marriage, and simply spending more time in His beautiful company. Our personal peace cannot help but overrun and overflow into the lives of our loved ones. Oswald Chambers issues a pressing reminder that, as believers, we are spiritually responsible to God not merely for ourselves but also for other people and “if I allow any turning away from God in my private life, everyone around me suffers.” Yet when we are given over to God, surrendered to Christ and spending ourselves in service to Him, everyone we come in contact with is nurtured and blessed. “None of us lives to himself” (Romans 14:7) and when we are free enough to serve others, we cooperate with God in carrying out His purposes for our lives (Ephesians 2:10).
Images, left to right: Styling by Claire Mazzerello and Photography by Ketty Line Domingues for The Lane; Danielle Frankel Bridal
2. A Freer Budget
Planning a micro-wedding may allow you to nurture the other dreams-- from purchasing a first home to preparing, financially, for a family. Perhaps your mind repeatedly drifts to dreams of designing a home—you spend more time saving interior design images and composing a Restoration Hardware dream cart than you do fantasizing about wedding gowns and flowers. If this is what comes naturally to you, it’s important to listen to that. If you feel God is calling you to dedicate your material resources and efforts to your future family, He will clearly and undeniably place that conviction on your life. These are callings that only you can know, as you seek Him earnestly and walk obediently in His ways. Even if others do not understand your choices, you will have the clarity, precision, and purpose that comes from knowing you are being faithful to His guidance.
Image by Styling by Claire Mazzerello and Photography by Ketty Line Domingues for The Lane.
3. A More Elevated, Fine Art Experience
A micro-wedding does not necessarily need to be pared back; in fact, given your freer budget, you may access a level of luxury you did not know was possible. You may find that you can invest in a high-end destination and venue which provides your small guest list with unforgettable service. It may be that you can now dedicate your floral and décor budget to more impactful, standalone, artistic pieces, focusing on one awe-inspiring installation rather than an endless number of bouquets, boutonnières, and table centerpieces. Unburdened by the need to cater to hundreds of guests, you can instead plan a masterful meal—a sensory, artistic experience—for a dozen of your nearest and dearest. Nothing feels as grand as a single imperial guest table for 20-30 of your loved ones, styled to the max with sumptuous linen, thoughtful place settings, personalized paper goods, and artistic florals. We love the adage of doing one thing, and doing it very, very well.
Images, left to right: Styling by Claire Mazzerello and Photography by Ketty Line Domingues for The Lane; Photography by Jack Henry for The Lane.
As the volume decreases, the quality and originality of these wedding components often drastically increases. Micro-events and even elopements do not have to feel reckless, thrown together, or apologetic. Instead, they can attain a level of refinement unsurpassed by even the most formal, big events.
Images by Saint Laurent
The overall quality and feeling of the experience will also take on a much more upscale and, paradoxically, more intimate air. Imagine you are hosting a beautiful, weeklong Italian event. You won’t be worried about planning dinner for 350 guests and all the considerations that come along with that. Instead, you will plan outings and excursions that highlight the natural beauty, history, and culture of your destination. You may have languorous evenings overlooking Lake Como (sigh) with dinners that last for hours and conversation that sparkles with intimacy and meaning. There will be space to wander aimlessly, to enjoy the Italian art of far niente, and receive the beauty that is offered so freely. The week will be less about throwing a party than hosting quiet dinners and creating rich, meaningful experiences with your loved ones. The quality of experience is entirely different than that of a large wedding—more leisurely and more open to the beauty that naturally surrounds you.
Creative Direction & Styling: Karissa Dalton at The Lane; photography by Jack Henry for The Lane.
You won’t be boxed in by the usual wedding week duties—endless beauty appointments and social obligations. Instead, you will be drinking in the poetry of the place, the beauty that permeates the very air, as a sea-scented breeze rolls off pine-covered cliffs and the faint perfume of flowers drifts from balcony and botanical gardens. Your memories will be unique, informed by the art, architecture, and very atmosphere of your destination, as traces of beauty insinuate themselves in your mind and heart forever.
Images, from left to right: Maison Martin Margiela; Danielle Frankel.
4. Gorgeous Locations
From the lavender fields of Provence to the fjords of Norway; from the blue domes and white cliffside chapels of Santorini to the pastel painting that is Portofino, micro-weddings were made for mesmerizing destinations. As suggested above, you may find that your budget is now much freer to dedicate to travel (if, of course, that is what is spiritually, financially, and personally appropriate for you). You are permitted to look beyond what is expected to envision the settings of your dreams-- the places that speak to the secret places of your soul. From private estates to storied châteaux, your venue choices become fairy tale-like in their enchantment and beauty. Suddenly, visions of ballrooms fill your mind—you imagine lords and ladies and waltzing here, hundreds of years ago—and as you stroll the botanical gardens, you wonder who courted whom, what kind of love letters were written or read on this garden bench, by the light of the moon. This kind of visionary experience-- this dream-- is, perhaps, just not as possible without the sense of escape and romance that is bound up with intimate, destination weddings.
Images by The Lane
5. Artistic, Even Editorial, Florals and Décor
It only stands to reason that if you are hosting several hundred guests, much of the event budget must be dedicated to the meal, place settings, wine choices, and more. If, however, you plan a micro-wedding, you may find that it makes most sense to dedicate your budget to beautiful design. It’s not necessary to address 50 tables, so you can instead design one to table to the hilt, with generous florals and an unforgettable meal. Or maybe you’ve always wanted an unconventional, beautiful work of art: for instance, a grand floral installation that feels like a masterpiece—a living sculpture or hanging canopy of flowers. It’s easier to lavish attention on pieces like this when the budget isn’t being dedicated to high-volume pieces, like centerpieces for every table.
Images, from top left to bottom right: Styling by Claire Mazzerello and Photography by Ketty Line Domingues for The Lane; Loho Bride; Sarah Winward; The Lane
6. Authentic Decisions
When planning an event for your innermost circle, you will simply approach decisions differently. Micro-weddings make it so much easier to avoid viewing your choices through the lens of others’ opinions. No matter how secure you are in your style and decisions, when planning an event with a large guest list, you will be aware of their presence and their scrutiny (and hopefully their support!). Micro-weddings take this out of the equation, rendering it easier to make those decisions that feel authentic to your style and language as a couple. You won’t feel the need to translate yourself to others or prove anything; these supporters know you, better than anyone. The event takes on the kind of heightened intimacy that can only and ever flow from a lifetime of knowing and loving someone— and of being known and loved by them, hearts intertwined in prayer and intercession.
Photography by Erika Parker
7. Fashion-Forward Choices
At Chapel Journal, I am not interested in making unconventional fashion choices as an expression of modernity or as a subtle way of dishonoring or mocking weddings and all they stand for. I instead view fashion as a vehicle for showcasing expression, artistry, and intellect. A wonderful sense of personal style, an innate sense of creativity or good taste, is nothing to apologize for. I think many believers are gifted with that intangible ‘something,’ which the world would call ‘it factor,’ but we know is grace. That ineffable something which cannot be forced, manipulated, or controlled. It is the gift of peace and radiance we receive from God, something we could never manufacture on our own. So, while I would never encourage a bride to wear a non-white dress just to show off how modern she is or, as the world does, to make a mockery of purity, I would suggest that micro-weddings allow you a greater freedom of expression in every avenue—fashion, flowers, décor, food. It’s beautiful to wear a gown which you wholeheartedly love, a dress that moves and breathes with you, or emphasizes your unique personal style. You feel less burdened to make a fashion choice that others understand, and more open to wearing that which truly suits you. You can be unabashedly fashion-forward, couture, innovative. And if you aren’t interested in any of those things, you can nevertheless feel free to choose the dress that seems, stitch by stitch, to be made only and ever for you.
Images by Danielle Frankel
8. Tranquil and Meditative Wedding Day Preparations
Imagine waking slowly on your wedding day. No grand itinerary awaits you—no strict photography schedule, team of stylists, or bridesmaids. You are permitted to luxuriate in the day’s first, quiet moments. Perhaps you have rented a countryside home or villa: you enjoy the ecru sheets and linens, the light that streams through windows and falls, Vermeer-like, on aged, stone walls. You take coffee in bed as you read through your journal. There is space enough to reflect on everything: the painful entries, deep sorrows, and delays that only sweeten your present joy.
Images by Les Anagnou Photographers
In this quiet space, you pray and praise God for the miracle of being here. Perhaps you stroll the property, aimlessly wandering for a moment, breathing in the fragrances of olive and pine, maybe even stopping to forage an herb bouquet. There is breakfast on a terrace overlooking a relaxed garden. And time, blessedly quiet time, to get ready, almost as you would any other day—but slowly, luxuriantly. You wash your face, anoint your skin with oil, lightly apply makeup. Classical music pours into the space, almost like a benediction. Every part of the ritual feels simple, even essential. Enfolded by gentle rhythms, you give yourself to the day—there is space enough for beauty to happen. The day has a meditative atmosphere, a prayerful pace and quality. No one dictates your experiences or reactions; no one rushes you through stages of the day or tries to elicit some pre-planned emotion through photo staging. You have room to respond naturally, to realize the grace of the moment as it unfolds. Emotions and thoughts are allowed to arise organically, unforced, perhaps even achieving a kind of flow state effortlessness.
Photography by Les Anagnou Photographers
For introspective and poetic souls, a wedding day, more than any other, should have this richly interior quality. This time to meditate on all that has led you here, to praise God for His divine guidance and to dedicate your marriage to His care. This day, more than any other, should involve a reverence of approach, and “when we approach with reverence,” writes John O’Donohue, “great things decide to approach us. Our real life comes to the surface and its light awakens the concealed beauty in things. When we walk on the earth with reverence, beauty will decide to trust us. The rushed heart and arrogant mind lack the gentleness and patience to enter that embrace.”
Photography by Les Anagnou Photographers
9. Editorial and Connection-Driven Photography
As there is not the same need to adhere to a strict schedule and focus on the usual set list (bridal party portraits, dance floor photos, etc.), your photographer will be freed to focus on connection-driven, editorial photos of you and your fiancé. Moments like the getting ready portion of the day will take on an unexpected intimacy, as your photographer captures the final introspective moments before your ceremony. You will be alone to pray and reflect on the importance of this day or will share a beautiful moment with your mom. Likewise, there will be so much spaciousness and freedom to capture intangible moments of connection between you and your husband, as you plan a first look, say your vows, or catch the last radiant light of the day.
Photos can take on a markedly more editorial quality, reading more “fashion campaign” than traditional wedding photography. Gone are the stiffly posed photos of bridesmaids or those depicting emotion that feels painfully planned (shots popping champagne bottles, pinning boutonnières, etc., etc.). What spaciousness and freedom to capture artistic, alive photos, fashion moments, nuances of the landscape, and thoughtful compositions.
A fine art photographer will consider the composition of each portrait, the nuances of light and shadow, the subtle curve of a body or drape of a dress. He or she will capture the emotional language of touch, as fingers brush a vow book, a hand is placed at the small of a back, a groom’s eyes light up at the sight of his bride. And a compassionate photographer will know how to capture the most flattering poses and the more intangible, inner radiance that rises to the surface in your eyes, your countenance. Even the moments following the ceremony have great emotional potential. A fine art photographer will be able to capture tender moments between you and your loved ones, as there is there is less of a need to focus on reception elements or “party” shots (dance floor photos with purple lighting, anyone?). The feeling and mood of the photography or filmography can be so much more intimate and so much more fashion-forward, even abstract, as there is time to capture every intricacy and even experiment with a more editorial style.
Photography by Cara Mia
10. Spiritual Intimacy
With this much solitude and freedom, you have time to be present and reflect on the spiritual covenant you are making. During your wedding week, you will feel less concerned with hosting and making a favorable impression, and therefore you can have such a rich, interior experience. The week can become one filled with praise, private worship, and prayer. You and your fiancé can spend a little extra time praying for one another and the season you are about to embark on, offering your decisions up the light of God’s guidance and grace. A micro-wedding can, when a couple is led by the Holy Spirit, feel as intimate as prayer, can become an expression of praise, a shout of faith, a song of joy that delights the very heart of God.
11. A Heightened Sense of Romance
In lyrical and pastoral poetry, in music and verse, the desire of all beloveds is to steal away, to go off, to be alone. To revel in this wondrous experience of being in love. Micro-weddings protect this feeling of intimacy and solitude. They preserve the awe-inspiring feeling of being brought together to experience such a heady, big emotion. Our union as bride and groom hints at a far more beautiful, everlasting union to come—perfect bliss, perfect knowing, perfect praise in the Presence of our Savior. It is beautiful to be brought into something so symbolic. For God cares so much about marriage that He would, in His Word, compare Christ’s love for us as that of a Husband to His bride. Marriages must be set apart, very special indeed, to receive such a divine depiction.
Photography by Cara Mia
While our marriages are only a shadow of that which is to come, of our perfect Bridegroom who will return to take us home, our covenants still matter greatly in God’s eyes. It’s wonderful to feel alone and able to process the momentousness of the decision, to feel the full extent of the God’s blessing. Stealing away feels passionate and lyrical: a move worthy of poetry, song, art. And a small, meaningful wedding has the potential to feel prayerful and pure. When I think of micro-weddings, I think of a beloved poem that captures their essence, their feeling, as well as beautiful passages of Scripture—like the entirety of the book of the Song of Solomon-- which speak of marriage. Dwell on these words as you seek in prayer the ceremony that fits God’s will for you.
“Understand,
I’ll slip quietly
away from the noisy crowd
when I see the pale
stars rising, blooming over the oaks.
I’ll pursue solitary pathways
through pale twilit meadows,
with only this one dream:
You come too.”
-Rilke, “Pathways,” from First Poems
“My beloved
spoke, and said to me:
Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come,
And the voice of the turtledove
Is heard in our land.
The fig tree puts forth her green figs,
And the vines with the tender grapes
Give a good smell.
Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away!
O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
In the secret places of the cliff,
Let me see your face,
Let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet,
And your face is lovely.”
-Song of Solomon 2:10-14
Photography by Cara Mia
